George W. Bush
Catholic Cardinal's Stunned!
Reported by Willie E.
The almost 120 Cardinals from around the world
that gathered to choose a successor in the
Vatican's Sistine Chapel were stunned and
Cardinal Mohoney the Vatican spokesperson had
this to say, "We in the conclave are all
shocked. We cast our vote's using these new
electronic voting machines.The results
overwhelmingly favored George W. Bush over all
the Catholic candidates. The last Pope, John
Paul, was a superb linguist, fluently speaking 11
languages, this one can't speak fluently in one
language. We just don't know what to say."
The White House has announced that Dick Cheney
will assume command as President of the world
tomorrow morning, when "W' travels to Rome
to begin his duties as Pope.
George W. Bush had this to say moments ago as he
spoke from the Rose Garden,
"I am honored to be the spiritual
lighthouse, and the first War Pope.
I promise Evangelical Catho-licks and Prostates
alike that I will be embodied in salvation and
fair in the performance of my duties.
I am a Unitifier, not a Divide-a-cater.
I am obliged to try to save as many lost souls as
I can, at least the Devout Wealthy Elite Souls,
as it is well known that Heaven is a very select
place, indeed, it is more exclusive than even the
best of country clubs.
It is a members only Heaven.
I may have to put a fence around it.
I will preform miracles in a fair and balanced
Just as God used to wipe out entire races of
people without warning,
burning whole towns of perverts, killing off an
entire nations, and drowning everybody without a
ticket to board Noah's Ark,
I shall deliver the world from Evil Empires as I
unleash the Apocalypse Wrath of
I will ensure the Rapture and the Reunion with
our beloved deceased family members and with our
departed purebred pets.
I will not allow those awful Liberal Sissy
Homosapiens to marry each other and I will put
and end to the Clergy marrying Choirboys.
I will lead the Crusades against all them
towel-headed heathens, demon-possessed
voodoo-hoodoo barbarians who's Pseudo-religions
that don't except Christ as the Light of
Democracy, and who worship fake, made-up gods.
They shall suffer my Godly Conservative Wrath and
I will Destroy them with my Cherubic Armies of
Angels and they shall burn for eternity in Hell,
because Me and God don't take no
Remember, it is written in the Gospel of Luke,
or.... maybe it's Larry, ugh, 12, ugh,5 or
something, that Jesus told us we are to live our
lives in FEAR of God and the Terrorists, for God
and the Terrorists have the power not only to
kill us, but to torture us forever in Hell.
And to you Non Believers and Democrats, I
I can't wait to see you burn in Hell, I mean
it.....I can't wait!!!"